Transitioning Dating Into Marriage

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              In my last post I talked about some important aspects of dating. One point I mentioned is how important good communication is in a relationship. The two of you have to be on the same page and know where each other are at. You have to communicate properly about exactly where you are in your relationship, and where you see it going eventually. I also talked about the plague that is taking over in today’s dating world known as “hanging out.” People aren’t going on dates like they used to. Everyone is just spending time together, with nothing happening that is furthering the relationship. Today I am going to continue with the topic of dating, as well as talk about the transition that takes place from dating to marriage.
              In class we talked about a model for dating called “assertive dating.” You start off by dating a big group of different people. The more you date, the more you start to recognize different characteristics you like in a partner, and certain ones you don’t. You then start making your dating pool smaller and smaller. Maybe you even end up weeding it all the way down to one person, and maybe none of them are for you so you start over. The whole idea behind the model is to avoid what a lot of people end up doing in dating. You meet someone, commit to them too fast, realize you aren’t right for each other, and then you both end up getting your hearts broken. This way, you take things a little slower, and really take time to get to know one another. Now you might be reading this and think that this sounds like a way someone can be a player and just date a ton of people at once. This is definitely not the intention of this model. If you are doing it correctly, you are honest with all the people you are dating and in no way do they think the two of you are exclusive. This is another instance where proper communication is so key.
              Another reason this model is so successful is the simple fact that when you date a lot of people, you see a lot of different things in all these people. You may see some habits you find annoying or childish, but you may also find things you love and really want to have in your spouse. When you see all these things in the person you end up dating, you can tell how well the two of you are going to mash when it comes marriage time. The transition from dating to marriage is a huge step, and if not handled properly can have some huge negative effects.
              When you get married and live together, you are going to see many sides of your spouse that you haven’t experienced before. The two of you will have to make decisions on things that you didn’t have to worry about when you were just dating. For example: Are you going to open presents on Christmas morning like your family did when you were growing up, or are you going to open them on Christmas Eve like her family did when she was growing up? Are you going to leave the window open at nights when you sleep? How are you going to balance who’s house you are going to for thanksgiving? These might seem like small insignificant decisions now, but it is so important that the two of you discuss these things and avoid an argument down the road. This is another reason why it is so crucial for you to not rush into marriage, and really get to know each other. The two of you are in this for the long haul, and you need to know how well you communicate and make decisions together. Please, find these things out while you are dating, and save yourselves the heartbreak of having to find this out later, and a possible divorce.

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